Fairytales are for the meek fools

See, everyone has their story to tell. I can't bear to listen to your broken heart, because I was busy mending my own. So if you shut up and listen, this is mine to tell.

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Once, upon a time there was a girl....

She was just a f***ed up girl looking for her own piece of mind, she’s not perfect. She had years of people telling her that.

He was everything that she never knew she wanted. They never planned to be where they were, but it happened. Fate dealt them a card they weren’t ready to play. Both of them plunged it whole-heartedly; it was beautiful how they started. To be in love, to be in that perpetual state of anesthesia.

The commonality that they have is that they both recognize reality of their situation that it could never be. But the fact they are both as self absorbed as one another, helps keeping them together. It wasn’t that they were right for each other, they were just not right for anyone else. Therefore, no one but them could comprehend what they feel.
He drags her kicking and screaming, through fast dreams and knows exactly what she means. She feeds him with rubber bands for him to stretch till she can see his frustrations on the boils, and yet she doesn’t know when to quit. Soon enough, her reflections through his eyes were not something she dared to look. She knows she had broke whatever it is she thought she had.

Nothing last forever. He began looking for all her flaws. Their battles become repetitious, and soon enough she realized that she was apologizing for what was no longer her mistake, her past choices that she was never sorry for. It was a broken poetry, a chapter she once played.

She said, “I fell in love. Not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you would call it. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. I love you, very simple, very truly. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t care. I do not doubt that I am in love with you. I’m not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. I grew up never having any f**king example of male- female relationship and I got hurt in past so many times until one cut herself from finding anyone. So I’ve been around – and I don’t fucking regret it, some were good and some were bad – and then I come across you. How seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you- its so rare. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look – because I’ve been in different arms- and I choose you. And for me that makes all the difference. “ She said it all, although it was too late, although he wasn’t even listening to a single word she said. To him none of this makes sense. He felt small, insignificant and emasculated. He thinks he’ll never be on her level – never be enough for her or something. What he didn’t get was that she didn’t care. She wasn’t looking for “THAT GUY”; he was all that she was looking for.

He kept digging, and soon created fictional stories and characters that seem so real. So, her fairytale turned into the same old story that she had been in, and but now the cast of the leading man has changed. She knew the ending, but she fought with all she knew how. He found the reason to justify everything; he found the perfect story that would be worse than anything anyone could ever do. He kept himself blinded to hide all that he fears, all that he has done. He disillusioned himself with things beyond belief. He jumped on conclusions and landed on her chest as he yelled out obscenities to her.

She gave all to him without question, and yet he still wanted to steal every bit of it. She has been misjudged and misinterpreted her whole life, so this shouldn’t really hurt. All that he wanted to say has been said before. All he ever wanted to do has been done before, maybe even worse. It shouldn’t have wounded her, but it did.

She had nothing left to lose. And all that he had to show was some foolish pride that gave way to regret.

And so ends her fairytale.

February 2007

xoxo
Rollo T.

May You Screw Like It's Being Filmed & Drink Like a True Irishman

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it

It was another night Saturday nite, and despite the passing of Yang DiPertuan Besar Tunku Jaafar Tunku Abdul Rahman, we all put on our dancing shoes, and head down to the city. And on this particular nite, we decided to see what’s the Boo Hoo Rah theory on Sultan Lounge.

I hate – I am using the word HATE being called a regular @ certain places. True, when I prefer a certain place, I tend to be comfortable and hang there on a constant basis. But still, don’t call me a regular. So, when we decided to go away from the normal hustle bustle of Changkat, I simply loved the idea. Ok, back to the night.

Since, Sultan Lounge is all posh and classy, we all were quite weary and disheartened to go there. Upon entering the place, we could feel the eyes staring into what we wear and who we were. Funny thing, upon facing something like that, you end up carrying your nose high, sway your hips, and pout your lips as a reaction to public scrutiny.

One thing - the place was dead empty on that night.

But by the end of the day, doesn’t matter where we were, as long as we were together and intoxicated, all fake accents, pouty lips and classy- ness went down the toilet bowl. By the end of the night, were broke and walking straight seems like an impossible challenge.

So call me a regular – but I have a certain perception on places I go to. And I would want to just let go of my inhibitions, any traces of pretentiousness for my weekend. So I rather hang back, let my hyena laughter out at places that I am comfortable with, even if you judge me for it; at least even if you are acting posh, the majority of people there are not.

xoxo
Rollo T

I hope Sandy Claws doesn't overlook this...

"T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."

All I wanted to begin with- was a quiet dinner, under the budget and later a small get together among friends.

Oh well, that remains as wishful thinking .

In reality, it was a whole big mess of different plan and late hours.

Oh well, still no Christmas stockings, white Christmas or Santa Claus.

But by the end of the night, we were at least together, SHARING our drinks and GIVING out intoxicated smiles, hugs and sarcastic remarks.

Merry Xmas.

xoxo

Rollo T

The passage of time is simply an illusion created by our brains.

Each moment is a doorway to time travel

We can never stay in the present.

Funny, as much as we think time travel is impossible we are constantly doing it. The problem is not going to time, is actually staying put in the present.

One look, one smile, one word, one image, and we transport ourselves to our past. The memories that we wish to forget.

Late at night we stay up, thinking of what to happen in few hours time, the uncertainty of your job, the bills you have to pay at the end of the month, the consequences of the mistakes that we make today, and we toss and turn, unable to sleep in the present.

Maybe its true, the key to living your life is living the moment. Forget the past, stop worrying of the future and just be. Even if it meant dying alone, single and penniless. No one ever said marriage and money can ensure happiness, or the end of all worries, right? But then again, can we do it. Can we let go? Not letting our past haunt us. Sleeping through uncertainties? Can we stay within the moment? And finally just be free.

xoxo

Rollo T